Weezer's Pork and Beans Are Yummy

We're all hooked on home videos. They are inspiring, embarrassing and depressing. Enter Weezer. With their self-titled album due June 3rd, (yes, we're psyched for some new head-bobbing-at-the-office antics) Weezer pays homage to every web video ever made in its 'leak' of Pork and Beans.

Web celebs like Tay Zonday (Chocolate Rain), Lauren Caitlin Upton (Junior Miss South Carolina), Judson Laipply (Evolution of Dance), that creepy, weepy Britney defender, the evil gopher and many more make clever cameos in the video.

With all of the reality shows out there, it's about time that someone pays respect to those "15-minutes of Internet fame celebs."

Beverly Hills is still where Stubb & Flask want to be, but we'll head over to Weezer's own You Tube page in the meantime.

Telectroscope Emerges in Brooklyn Allowing Hipsters on Both Coasts To Compare Skinny Jeans

Stubb & Flask were amazed to discover that we were now able to see our London counterparts via a massive "Telectroscope" invented by artist Paul St George. Two scopes were placed on opposite sides of the pond, one at the Fulton Ferry Landing in Brooklyn and the other on the Thames River in London. By standing in front of the scopes, Brits and Americans can keep an eye on each other in real time. According to the inventor, construction on this machine was started by his great-grandfather in Victorian times and transmits images via a tunnel under the ocean. Skeptics believe it was invented by Apple and its called iChat.

We hear the New England Patriots coach Bill Belicheck has contacted St. George about building him a "Telectroscope" that connects his office to the locker rooms of every other NFL team.

Stubb & Flask are considering providing venture capital funding to St. George in order to build an Atlantis type city in the tunnel called "Stuflaskadonia" which we will rule as Kings.

Satirical Racism Much Funnier Than Plain Racism

As we move closer to electing the first black President in the history of this young country, I think we need to realize that when Barack Obama wins the gig is up for all our white asses! No more skating around the U.S. like we own the place. This is for real and we all need to be prepared. So if you have been putting off meeting black people, now is the time to get started because come January 20, 2009, the whites with the most black friends wins. My hommies Sally and Johnny have a head start on all of us and have developed a website called Black People Love Us, which Stubb & Flask have upgraded to a must watch.

Australian Company Helps Women To Pee Standing Up

Dear Women,

Are you tired of having to hover over a nasty, urine soaked toilet seat at your favorite bar? Does it anger you every time you see a man just whip it out and go where ever he wants? Fear not, Australia's WhizBiz has got your pee hole covered, literally.

They have invented the WhizFreedom, a rubber, penis-like receptacle, that when placed over the VaJayJay it collects....oh screw this! Just look at the photo and I'm sure you'll get the idea.

Stubb & Flask downgrade WhizBiz to a sell. Being able to pee standing up is all we have left. Women mature faster, age better and tend to be smarter than men. Now they can just let loose into a Snapple bottle on a long road trip?? Unfair to say the least. Next thing you know women will be knocking up men!!

Beirut Plays What Could Be One of Their Last Shows As Beirut

Last night in Williamsburg, lead singer Zach Condon of the critical darlings, Beirut, dispelled rumors of the bands demise by stating they were simply going on a "sabbatical" and would return to the public eye shortly. This rebuttal came after Zach posted a letter online cancelling all summer European dates and saying that "it's come time to change some things, reinvent some others, and come back at some point with a fresh perspective and batch of songs."

The crowd gathered at the Williamsbug Music Hall in Brooklyn, NY for this last second announced show, danced and sang as if it would be their last chance to ever see this incantation of Beirut. And they were treated to one of the most amazing live performances this analyst has ever been a part of -- complete with more than 15 songs, two encores, and a few tracks that were played for the first time.

This group of band geeks, who played with a fever and boiling endurance that I never witnessed in Mrs. Magillicutty's sophomore music class, seemed to be honestly infatuated with their oratory creations and the majesty of their young leader. So much so, I would be hard pressed to believe this was the end of such a beautiful arrangement.

Stubb & Flask upgrade Beirut to a must see, not only for their truly amazing live show and recordings but for the ability of the band's CEO to create buzz and PR that will keeps fans anxiously awaiting his next announcement.

Note to General Electric: Never Sell NBC!

Newsweek is irrelevant. We don't want our news by the week. The New York Times is outdated. By the time we grab the morning paper, the stories are yesterday's news. While we want our news by the second, we'll settle for up-to-the-minute breaking stories as long as its delivered via the Spectra Visual Newsreader.


The most progressive entertainment company has done it again. Spectra, a news visualization tool, gives consumers an alternate way to navigate msnbc.com in a three dimensional viewing state. Spectra offers comprehensive, up-to-the-minute news coverage, user customization, dynamic browsing and human body interaction. Spectra's alluring design displays msnbc.com's news headlines, fueled by RSS feeds, as colorful, graphic whirlwinds of movement and continually updated live headlines.

While this new feature won't push G.E.'s stock up, it speaks volumes to NBC's future in the digital space. We'll download The Office on iTunes while we wait to see what's next. You're the man, Zucker!

Stubb & Flask Have Tennis Elbow

It's become downright embarrassing to visit the doctor because of Wii tennis elbow. Of course the cross court winners are a blast and the 300 yard drives are epic, but our bodies are paying the price! It's time for Stubb & Flask to get back to the basics.

Luckily for us, there's Dreamcade Vision 29, a full cabinet arcade game. With more than 200 games including some of our favorites (Asteroids, Pong, Pacman and 1942), it also comes with an "MP3 Jukebox." The instant party starts at $2499 at www.dreamarcades.com and is well worth the investment.

Stubb & Flask call next game!

New Winehouse + Doherty Video Better Than Bin Laden's New Clip

Here is a brand new video of Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty playing with a cat and a mouse. I think Pete actually says that he heard the mouse speak before he freaks out and asks the camera he is using to "please stop."

Stubb & Flask upgrade the dyanmic duo to a buy. With Lohan and Pairs sidelined, it's nice to have some degenerates who continue to out-do themselves.

Stubb & Flask: The Remix on iTunes!!

Our Mom's would be so proud. Well, not really. Its just a little iMix we put together. Anyone can do it, but it looks cool and it has our names on it.

Check out Stubb & Falsk Vol. 1 on iTunes. This mix is an indie music Kung-Fu chop to your neck that will impress you friends and help you score.

Brooklyn's 'Bear Hands' Are All Over US

Bands whose name includes at least one animal have been doing really well this week on the S&F Ticker. Stubb's brilliant assistant just discovered Brooklyn's Bear Hands rummaging through her garbage pail and was brave enough to toss them a few Zagnut bars (that's a John Candy in 'The Great Outdoors' reference if you are under the age of 16.)

Alternative Press said that Bear Hands "rocks like Cold War Kids, Interpol and Modest Mouse." We hear the Modest Mouse influence (p.s. another animal in the name) but want to toss in a dash of Band of Horses (one more animal for shits and giggles) and a sprinkle of Blink-182 snark in lead singer Dylan Rau's delivery.

Stubb & Flask have added Bear Hands to the watch list and expect them to be upgraded after big upcoming shows with Ted Leo & The Pharmacists and Ghostland Observatory. Listen to "Vietnam" and "Bad Blood" and let their hairy paws massage your inner auditory canal.

Wolf Parade New Album Announced

Wolf Parade has announced that their sophomore album, "At Mount Zoomer," will drop on June 17th and will be supported by a full U.S. tour. Stubb & Flask are extremely excited about this, since all we have heard new from the band since 2005 has been a lot of side projects.

The band has two new tracks. Language City and Call It A Ritual streaming exclusively on My Space. (Click here to Stream)

Above is the album cover and the track list goes like this:

Soldier's Grin
Call It a Ritual
Language City
Bang Your Drum
California Dreamer
The Grey Estates
Fine Young Cannibals
An Animal in Your Care
Kissing the Beehive

Stubb & Flask continue to encourage a strong buy on Wolf Parade and judging by these two new tracks your investment in this band will pay off great dividends.

JJ Abrams May Be 'Lost' With 'Fringe'

"Lost" creator JJ Abrams is at the helm of the new FOX program "Fringe" -- a sci-fi drama that is said to combine "elements of "The X-Files" and Paddy Chayefsky's "Altered States" with what Abrams calls 'a slight 'Twilight Zone' vibe.'" It will focus on a crazy research scientist, his estranged son and a female FBI agent who brings them together to check out self-contained mysteries of the paranormal.

Above is one of five ads released this week to begin hyping the show. In addition, Pacey from "Dawson's Creek," better known as Joshua Jackson, has been tapped as the lead in "Fringe" whose premier episode is said to of cost $10 million. Pacey, I'm sorry, Joshua is also in production on a prequel to the cult classic "Fletch" where he plays a young version of the investigative reporter on his first assignment.

Stubb & Flask have placed JJ Abrams, his production arm Bad Robot and "Fringe" on hold for the time being. "Lost" has become a chore to watch and the last series Abrams brought to market (Six Degrees) tanked like a Lindsay Lohan album. Plus, it seems like Abrams might have his hands full with upcoming big budget film releases such as "Star Trek," "The Invisible Woman," and a sequel to "Cloverfield" that is sure to make epileptics quite happy.

Social Networking Gets Artsy

Teenagers and twenty somethings have Facebook, spammers and aspiring artists live on MySpace, and now the Chelsea Art District and Miami Art Basel crowd has Artlog (www.artlog.com). From learning about which Murakami prints missed their minimum at auction to giving artists the opportunity to make their own portfolio page of mid-century, mid-western impressionist work, Artlog is an art lovers oasis.

There's never been a digital home base for art-lovers, but we feel cozy here. Stubb & Flask raise our free First Fridays glass of wine to the team that created this site! Air kiss goodnight.

'The Heavy's' Got Soul, Live Show Left Us Limp

Stubb & Flask caught up with UK rockers The Heavy last night at Playboy's "Rock the Rabbit" event at Le Royale in New York. We have been listening to the band's debut album "Great Vengeance and Furious Fire" for sometime and have actually been caught by another trader while grinding up against a coat rack to their soulful sexy vocals that are complimented by the band's White Stripe like rifts.

I took my pitched tent to the show last night in hopes of finding some relief to my indie rock induced blue balls. Unfortunately, The Heavy's live performance was marred by a crappy venue with awful sound. A cow has more knobs on its underside than the soundboard at Le Royale. And while many in the mostly "hanger-on" crowd devised ways to score with the one (underage) bunny present, this analyst dreamt of The Heavy performing at a proper venue in order to feel fulfilled.

Stubb & Flask have high, high hopes for The Heavy, but are not yet convinced on the marketability of this act. Maybe we will reevaluate them at their other New York performances tonight May 13 at Rehab or May 14 in Brooklyn at Union Pool. Check out some video clips we captured from last night's show.

Stubb & Flask Rocking Mondays

Every Monday poses to be a challenge on lifestyle trading floor for Stubb & Flask. After a long weekend of overindulgences, it's hard to motivate. But the combination of a quadruple latte and the proper setlist usually does the trick. This week we're even giddier about tunes because next Tuesday, May 20th marks the inaugural Stubb & Flask Party at Beauty Bar in New York City where DJ THR33S will be spinning some of our favorite indie tracks.

In case you are in need of some music to kick start your week, here are a few of the bands that we're keeping an eye on (and that can be overheard at S&F HQ).

• The Budos Band - Chicago Falcon
• Bishop Allen - Rain
• The Blakes - Don't Bother Me
• Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin - Still Awake (Deb)
• The Whigs - Right Hand on My Heart
• AA Blondy - Vice Rag
• LCD Soundsystem - Someone Great
• The Shaky Hands - Why and How Come
• The Fiery Furnaces - Ex-Guru
• Ted Leo - A Bottle of Buckie

See you at Beauty Bar!

Is Bigger Better? Gamer says Yes

If we were to empty our jeans pockets here's what you'd find: iPhone, Flip Video, flash drive and maybe even an iPod Nano (8 GB on the phone just isn't enough, hurry up 3G!). If it's bigger than a pack of gum, we're against it.

But maybe size does matter. Designer Kyle Downes super sized his gaming experience with a functional NES Remote that is also a coffee table, for his favorite old-school Nintendo games. Try throwing this across the room after Mario gets eaten by the piranha plants!

Stubb & Flask need this for our office!

Rock On Hard Rock!

While Stubb & Flask have a lot in common, one thing we disagree on is good, free porn. And it’s becoming harder and harder to find office appropriate porn. While Stubb prefers the close up shaving of a model’s legs, Flask is old-school and enjoys a traditional cat fight with models in bikinis. Enter Hard Rock Café & Casino’s new Rehab Sunday’s site (http://www.rehablv.com/).

Recently, Hard Rock overhauled its beta version of the site and now offers a smorgasbord of interactive experiences from watching a model shoot to renting a cabana complete with 6 gorgeous ladies. A quick jaunt over to the ‘games’ section takes you poolside where two of the girls bust into an impromptu cat fight. While everyone was on board with the daily photo uploads and video, Hard Rock has upped the ante and now you can put the images on your Facebook and MySpace (which is actually kinda creepy).

Kudos to Hard Rock for creating a sticky site for consumers. We mean that in a digital way.

Break Your Fucking Necks With The Knux

Stubb & Flask discovered The Knux, a rap duo out of New Orleans, at this year's South By Southwest music festival. Our love affair with them is steamy hot and almost rainbow gay. We saw them perform three times in Austin and followed them around town as if they were the Jonas Brothers. They are managed by Dart Parker and Paul Rosenberg, who also works with another slightly famous MC named Slim Shady. They got picked up by Interscope, had a track on HBO's Entourage and have been performing at some underground secret shows -- we wore our "Knux" t-shirts and had all the lyrics memorized for their recent show in NYC.

Stubb & Flask upgrade The Knux to a strong, strong buy for bringing back that old school style and substance of A Tribe Called Quest. We can't wait for them to actually release an EP, but until then, as The Knux would say, "break your fucking necks" by bobbing to the beat of their single "Cappuccino."

Hackers Cause Few to Swallow Their Tounges

While I know this is evil, I can't help but laugh a little. The Associated Press is reporting that hackers broke into the Epilepsy Foundation's Web site and bombarded it with hundreds of pictures and links to pages with rapidly flashing images. Some people who viewed the images had severe migraines and near-seizure reactions.

The part I find hilarious isn't that epileptics had seizures while trying to learn how to control seizures, but a quote in the story given by Paul Ferguson, a security researcher at antivirus software maker Trend Micro Inc. who commented on this malicious act. Paul says, "I count this in the same category of teenagers who think it's funny to put a cat in a bag and throw it over a clothesline."

What the fuck Paul! I don't know anyone who has ever stuffed a cat in a bag, let alone thrown a kitty over a clothesline. Sounds like Paul is speaking from experience. What part of the South are you from? Stubb & Flask called Mr. Ferguson to allow him to clarify his remark. "What I meant to say was this horrible act is in the same category as men who like to place goldfish in the toilet when they have a stomach flu or after eating a super spicy burrito," said Ferguson.

Stubb & Flask downgrade Trend Micro to a sell. Not only does there antivirus software seem flawed, but it looks like they have a bunch of psychos working there.

Butternuts Brew & Ale Has Rocked Deez Nuts

This analyst likes beer...lots of it. I would rather consume larger quantities of suds than smaller amounts of better quality brew. Plus, I'm sort of over the whole $12 speciality beer craze. We're in a recession for Christ sake! It takes me a six pack to get dancing and in New York City that has been costing me around $75.00 worth of snotty micro brews.

But if there is a god, he must be a drunk like me. He has kindly bestowed upon all of us alcoholics the Butternuts Beer & Ale. The brewery was started by two guys named Chuck Williamson and Leo Bongiorno about four years ago in upstate New York because they wanted to "open a can of whupass on the craft beer world."

There are four flavors right now served mostly in cans, but in NY you can find it on draft. There is The Hennieweisse Weissebier, Moo Thunder Stout, Snapperhead IPA and the absolutely delicious Pork Slap Pale Ale. I came across the Pork Slap last night at Seymour Burton, a newly opened farmhouse style restaurant in the East Village of New York City, and was amazed that this finely made beer was so reasonably priced at $4 smackers a can. I had three just out of principal. I called Frank's Beverage Center in Glen Cove, New York and he is selling a case of the beautiful and cold Pork Slap for $27.96 -- that's about $1.20 a can.

Stubb & Flask lists Butternuts Beer & Ale on the S&F 100 at a buy, especially if you are looking to upgrade that Pabst Blue Ribbon can you normally sport around the bar.

Caffeine IV Leads Comeback of Healthcare Stocks

Throughout our drinking days as undergrads, we always dreamed about the idea of an H2O IV. Consistently forgetting to drink water after a night of swilling Kettle One and Tonics, an H2O IV would've given us the chance to hydrate overnight feeling energized and charged for the upcoming day. The Japanese are following Stubb & Flask's lead.

Similar to oxygen bars designed to increase your health, Japan has once again upped the ante on such trends by introducing IV drip cafes. Tenteki10, located in the swank area of Ebisu, Tokyo, offers customers a walk-in service that features IV drips starting at 2,000 yen ($20). The service is meant to provide a skin care boost, act as an anti-aging remedy and alleviate stress and exhaustion.

Looking into our crystal ball, we see this springing up in workplaces and anywhere else people need a consistent fuel line of energy. Stubb & Flask are seeking VC funding to bring this concept stateside.

A Hand Job or a 1/4 Tank of Gas?

Hillary Clinton is campaigning right now, bashing Barack Obama for not supporting a proposed summer gas tax break that would save the average driver a measly $28.00 over the three month period. Barack has stated that this tax break has no chance of passing Congress and is taking time away from fixing the bigger issue -- our country's reliance on petroleum.

Stubb & Flask decided to ask real Americans what they would do with the extra $28 bucks they would have if a gas tax break were passed. Here is what they said they would spend their dollars on:

• $28 worth of sleeping pills to kill myself is Hillary became President
• A ticket to the all you can eat buffet at the Wynn, Las Vegas
• Two tickets to Harold and Kumar 2, small popcorn
• 3 beers at a Yankee game (will need an extra .50)
• A New Kids on the Block CD/Video comb
• A lotion less hand job in Chinatown
• "A stick of butter, a container of milk, a loaf of bread"
• A black market flak jacket to protect against sniper fire at the Bosnia airport
• A gallon of that blue stuff barbers put their combs in
• 4 broken Polaroid cameras on eBay
• 3 shares of Bear Stearn's
• 28 "Pussy Passes" for New York Dolls Gentlemen Club
• 18.0355 Euros
• Boneless Buffalo Wings, a Quesadilla Burger and a Banana Berry Freeze at Applebee's
• 8 boxes of Franzia
• Cab to sperm bank, 2 copies of Hustler

Who the Fuck is Sara Fisher and Why Is She Endorsing Anyone?

Do you know who this is? Stubb & Flask don't. But apparently she just endorsed Hillary Clinton for President. This is HUGE news for the democratic candidate and for CNN who is actually covering this breaking bullshit.

According to CNN, her name is Sarah Fisher and she is the first woman to earn a pole position at an IndyCar series event. Sara says, "We need a president who will stand up for us and be a fighter for Hoosiers and all Americans. Hillary will be a president who steers our country in the right direction and puts our economy back on track."

Thanks for all the cliche racing references in your lame ass endorsement Sara.

It's bad enough we have A-list celebrities, like Tom Hanks (he who recently endorsed Obama) pushing their views on us. Now we have D-list race car drivers making political headlines. This chick isn't even Danica Patrick, who at least main stream America can pick out of a Maxim magazine pictorial. The worse part is Clinton's campaign released this endorsement to the press. They must be hard up for positive endorsements when an Indy car racer is helping them gain attention the day before North Carolina and Indiana.

Good news Hillary, I just spoke to Paco who owns a little burrito stand a block from my office. He said he would like to endorse for 65 cents and some healthcare. He also thinks you are "muy bonita."

Stubb & Flask downgrades Indy Car Racing to a strong sell for even letting woman drive faster than 50 MPH. They need to keep their motors running, instead of their mouths.

Fight For Your Right To Get Retarded And Drive

Stubb & Flask are excited to see that American men and woman still enjoy getting "slightly" buzzed and then driving around in their imported luxury cars. So much so that these brave patriots have even banded together and started an advertising campaign against ignition interlocks and in-car breathalyzers that some activists are lobbying be placed in ever single car. The ad states, that if this were to happen it would eliminate traditions such as champagne toasts at weddings, wine with dinner, beers at the ballgame and funnels of grain punch at the fraternity house.

The ads, paid for by the American Beverage Institute, has put a face to their enemy, Lindsay Lohan, whose hard partying and multiple DUIs is ruining the party for the rest of us.

Damm you Lohan!!! First A Prairie Home Companion and now this. How is it fair that because you get blasted by two Zimas and pass out in your SUV without any underwear on, we may have to blow into a plastic tube just to start our cars?

Stubb & Flask upgrade the American Beverage Institute to a strong buy for helping to raise awareness of some of the bigger problems this country is facing, like in-dash breathalyzers and no talent ass clown actresses. If the ABI can conquer these conservative activists who want to take away our right to drive while impaired, then they will be in a nice position to make big gains (such as lowering the drinking age to 16), which will lead to substantial increases in revenue.

Cleveland Doesn't Exactly Rock

With a loss at home, to the normally docile Washington Wizards (now reminiscent of the old bad boys of Detroit), the Cleveland Cavaliers have been moved to the underperform list. “King“ James is barely representing his #23 jersey (constantly complaining to refs and press).

I’m looking for Washington to pull out a series win in 7 games.

The Cavs are actually doing better than their city. With a handful of okay diners and the half priced lap dances at the Diamond barely adding any value, the city itself has been moved to the sell list. Don’t even bother trying to find a decent place to eat on a Sunday, you’ll be driving around for hours and end up at a gut rotting fast food palace.

Cleveland fails to excite let alone rock. Additionaly, I recommend the Stephon Marbury $15 kicks over the overvalued $150 LeBron James Nikes if you are looking for a bargain.